Well, I made it to Sunday evening. Can seem to concentrate on much of anything. I am fine……..I am fine…….I am in remission. Positive thoughts.

For those of you newly diagnosed know that things will be difficult for a time, but they will get better. The hardest part is the realization that your life will never be the same. Things you took for granted, things you had no appreciation for will have a whole new look to them. There is a silver lining in the cloud you are in right now. I know it is hard to think of something positive coming out of something so tragic as cancer, but for myself and every survivor I have talked to, we all have found the silver lining in the cloud. Take it one day at at time, some days I had to take it one hour or even one minute at a time. This too shall pass. Keep telling yourself that. It helped me cope big time!

Chemo is tough, but is doable. There are many things you can do to make it easier on your body. Most important is to eat something before you go to your treatment. If you can’t stomach the thought of food, at least eat some saltine crackers. I drank a protein shake (Odwalla Vanilla Almond was my favorite) before each treatment along with water. Take snacks with you and eat during your treatment. I have seen many women come in with empty stomachs because no one told them they were supposed to eat something. Trust me, you will feel much better if you have something in your stomach. Drink at much water as you can before and after your treatment, especially important as your do not want to get dehydrated.

Some women sleep during their treatments. I chose to read as I could not sleep even though I was given something to relax me.  If you are into meditation (I highly recommend you get into it if you aren’t) as this is a great way to relax.

My treatments consisted of Adriamycin and Cytoxin. I was node negative which means I had no cancer in my lymph nodes. I am also triple negative for my estrogen, progesterone and HER-2/neu. This means I can’t take any hormone therapy. My cancer was invasive (fast growing) and I was told it could double in size in 30 days. Pretty scary! Each cancer is different and each treatment varies according to so many factors and that is why it is so hard to find someone who has the same type of cancer you do. Because of this, it makes if difficult to connect with someone going through the same thing you are. I had a lumpectomy followed by 4 rounds of chemo and then 33 radiation treatments. One of the hardest things for me was to find out information about chemo, what does a round mean, how often do I have it, when will it be over, how soon after chemo does radiation start. All these questions were running through my mind and never got answered until my oncologist decided what my plan would be. My treatments were 21 days apart.  On the day of chemo you have to have blood work done before your treatment. 

More later about the chemo. I am getting sleepy and am going to get some sleep. Only 4 more days until my appointment to get my results. Can I wait till then…..or will I call early? Who knows at this point.  More to follow later.   Sweet dreams……I am in remission, I am fine, stay postive.   

Today I had a pet scan.  I am almost one year since my last chemo treatment and my oncologist wants to be sure I am still cancer free.

It has been a hard week for me just anticipating the test. You never get that little ounce of doubt out of your mind. You feel good, you think you are healthy, but the test will confirm or deny that you are in remission. I felt good when I was diagnosed. How can you have cancer and feel good?

The test itself is a piece of cake. The first thing the tech did was give me a valium to relax me. He then tested my blood to make sure the glucose level is OK (mine was 120, it needs to be between 80 and under 200) and then you get a shot of the radioactive material in your vein, then wait for 40 minutes in a darkened room to let the radioactive material distribute in your body. You then go to the bathroom to empty your bladder (a special bathroom only for radioactive patients) that’s a scary thought huh? You then lay down and relax and the test starts. My scan today took 43 minutes. I was only totally inside the machine for maybe 10 minutes, the rest of the time I was outside of the machine watching the time click away above me on the read out. I closed my eyes once in the machine to avoid the closed in feeling and before I knew it I was sliding out of the machine and told I was done. My first pet scan took 38 minutes. It was nice to be able to stay in my clothes and not have to get into a hospital gown for the test.

 It is a good time to meditate and count your blessings which is exactly what I did during the test. Gratitude is such a big part of healing and just being on the other side of treatment is such a wonderful blessing in itself. Just looking back and remembering chemo and losing my hair and how scared I was brings tears to my eyes and so much emotion. I got through it and I am so thankful for the prayers, love and support of family and friends and people I have come in contact with that have been so incredibly kind to me. I had a nice woman from the American Cancer Society call me adding me to their database recently. We got to talking and she told me she was a 9 year survivor. When I told her I was in remission for about a year but had to have a pet scan this week she asked me if I needed a ride to the test center. WOW, I don’t even know this woman but her concern for me and my well being really warmed my heart. I thanked her and told her my husband was taking me.  We chatted for about 15 minutes and I felt like I had known her for years. She said please call me and let me know how your test turns out. She also said to keep her number and if I ever need to talk or needed any help with anything to call her. Again, the kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me. Janine…..thank you for caring. Random acts of kindness continue to be all around me. I hope I can be of some help to others going through cancer treatment and return the kindness shown to me tenfold.

I won’t see my oncologist until next Thursday, Dec. 13th to get the results of the pet scan. Can I wait that long? I don’t know as the results will be in his office my Monday afternoon. Waiting for test results is hard, very hard. You try to put it out of your mind, but it is hard to not stress over the unknown. The waiting game…..positive thoughts, good energy,  I am going to be fine! Yes, that is what I am going to concentrate on.

 Oh yeah, I went to see a one woman show called Jonna’s Body Please Hold on Monday night. This incredible woman is a cancer survivor and puts on a show about how her body handled cancer. It was funny and brought back a lot of feelings I experienced during treatment. Keeping your sense of humor while going through cancer is hard at times, but does help you get through it. Most everyone at the show was either a survivor or current patient or health care provider and we all enjoyed the show. Jonna has a wonderful talent and if you ever get the chance to see the show, be sure to go. She has a website that tells you where she is performing. It is www.JonnasBody.com.

I was told that I would become a part of a sisterhood of survivors. I could not have imagined how true that statement was and how important the sisterhood would become to me. Talking with someone who has gone through breast cancer (or any cancer for that matter) helps give you the strength and courage to fight your battle. Sharing and caring about others is what helps all of us get through this awful disease.

I am cancer free, I am going to have a clear pet scan…….positive thoughts, YES, that’s my focus.   

Thank you for supporting The Breast Cancer Site.

It has been a long hard road to get to this point. I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer on September 6, 2006.

I had a lumpectomy on October 3, 2006 followed by chemo therapy and 7 weeks of 33 treatments of radiation. I lost my hair…….I lost my identify, but I never lost my ability to fight  the cancer and I got rid of the cancer! I was scared, real scared that I would die but decided early on that I was not going to let cancer rob me of seeing my son graduate from college, get married and all of the other things that go with seeing your children grow up. My husband took it hard, real hard, but we all survived and are stronger today because we didn’t give up, we fought the cancer all the way. It is funny how looking back I ask myself how I got through it. Faith in God and the support of family and friends all had a huge impact on my recovery. I did not do it alone. I had a wonderful support system. Other women going through diffierent stages of cancer were a true inspiration to me and I soon began trying to help other women get through their cancer treatment and recovery. A smile, a small token of love, an angel pin, or just being there to listen when someone needed to talk soon became a big part of my life.

As hard as it is to hear those words we all have dreaded everytime we have a mammogram, we find a way to get through it. The support from other women is amazing and that angels that come into your life just when you need them are nothing short of a miracle. For me, losing my hair was the worst part of the cancer. I hated to look in the mirror and avoided it at all costs. I never let anyone (not even my husband) see me bald. I tried to keep things normal even though going through cancer treatment is by far not the least bit normal. Everything in my life turned upside down. I soon learned that it was doable and I was going to survive the breast cancer. By the way, I had no family history of anyone having breast cancer in my family. I was told that 80% of new cancers are with women with no family history. WOW, that is unbelievable. My mother had two surgeries removing a total of 5 lumps, all beneign. When I found my lump, I wrongly assumed they would be beneign just like my Mom’s.

Early detection is key!  Don’t wait if you find a lump. Have it checked out because more than likely it will be beneign. Listen to your body, use your natual born intuition. I knew inheritantly that somthing was wrong. I feel that women have a built in intuitive clock and they know when something isn’t right.   Listen to your inner self. Don’t second guess yourself.

My hair all fell out…..all but one lone strand. It started growing back in the middle of Febrary, 2007. Today I thought was a good time to get a haircut even though I want it to grow longer, I thought I needed a trim as my hair it out of control. I am still wearing a wig but it is becoming  increasingly uncomfortable with this mop of curly hair underneath. I find a beauty shop that is open and low and behold get a male hairdresser. Oh great, just want I don’t want is a man. I have to take off my wig and explain my situation and wasn’t looking forward to revealing this mop of hair to a man! It took all the courage I could muster up to tell him I lost all my hair and now I have this curly mop that is totally uncontrollable and could he please do something with it. This man was an angel in disguise! He tells me how he loves curly hair (too bad I don’t, I tell him) and he goes on to tell me that the chemo and radiation have done a number on my body and to be patient and drink lots of water and let my hair continue to grow out and to embrace the curls I have and enjoy my new look! He even goes so far to tell me my own hair looks better than the wig. It will take some more thinking about this for me to go out in public as “Curly  Sue” as he lovingly called me! He then proceeds to give me a head massage and put some product on my hair that makes it shiny and he redistributes my curls and says to come back in  December and he will give me some style as it still needs to grow out more. I try to pay him and he says ”just give me a hug” and  come see me in December. I leave the shop in tears at his kindness. Random acts of  kindness from people I don’t know continue to come into my path. So, I am going to try to embrace my new short curly look and forego the wig, at least for today until I can get used to the look.  The hardest thing about breast cancer is wanting to look like yourself again. The lesson I learned from this kind man today, is that I may never look the same as before, but I am alive and that is the important thing!  God bless you kind angel. I will see you in December.

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